Sunday, 7 December 2014

Life is Moving...

Everything is moving so fast. I want to desperately hold on to something, anything just to stay in the moment for a little longer. It is almost the end of another year. A year that we just started, didn't we? The kids are getting so big now. In a way I am relieved, relieved to finally have more time for me as they explore their new found independence. Less tantrums. More sibling interaction than ever before. They cannot seem to ever want to be apart. Apart from moments when Maia "wants to play with her dollies..." then shuts the door in her little brothers face. Breaks my heart!

The business is flourishing. I am rarely lacking in clients, happy clients at that and it's great. I feel my heart bursting at the seams. How many people really do get to do what they love?  I'm lucky and I know that..or is it really luck? Don't take those thoughts for granted, they have more power than you think. Gratitude for all that is. Focusing on what you would truly love to do and really going for it! Accepting what you currently have in your life and working with it as best you can.  It's not always plain sailing but who says it's supposed to be? You accept the downs, the falls, the obstacles - but you accept them with grace and positivity. And you carry on walking.  If your heart is in it, truly in it, you will get there.  I've always tried to think that way and most times I've always landed right where I wanted to. Spain, my studies, my first proper job, South America, my soulmate, first job abroad, pregnancy, stay at home mother (a total privilege!!), opening my business....making it successful!!

So..what will be next....well for now we are loving this life, our children, our home, friends and family. But will Chile be our permanent home? We are wondering and questioning this...as much as I love this country...perhaps the time has come for change. To renew this life's experience and head in different directions...where to next? Who knows but I do know it will be amazing wherever we lay our hats. All five of them to be exact. (we miss you Avi).

On to pastures new....

x

Friday, 5 December 2014

3 and a half already

My boy. He held on to me this morning as we walked to nursery. His little arms wrapped around my neck, playing with my hair and giving me kisses. My little boy...my little monkey. Playful and charming. Sensitive and empathetic. "mami, that woman..she is cold..she needs a jacket." he said pointing to a girl walking without much on this foggy cold morning. He notices everything. He feels it all. Intense he is, with an equally intense heart. My boy...3 and a half and growing fast. I hope to still carry you for many more mornings to come like this, close to you. Before you get bigger, stronger and heavier. Time rushes me by. You even dressed yourself this morning. How did that happen?

Loving you!

Sunday, 19 October 2014

Losing my Best friend

I still can't believe he's gone. My cat of six years disappeared while we were away. Never did I imagine such pain in my heart.

I came home and for the first time ever he wasn't there waiting for me - excitement in his eyes, jumping up on me; his purr strong and deep. The tears just keep coming and I mean it's crazy he was just a cat but was he really just a cat? He was so much more to me, more than anyone could ever imagine. He joined me on this journey here n Chile in the first year I got here. He soothed my depression and homesickness that first South American spring when I was unsure of what to do with my life and was deeply unhappy with the job I was doing at the time. Having the cats eased it all somehow.  Coming home to them, lazily lounging on the sofa together...

He was there when we first got married, our second cat, brother to Aisha. We'd initially just bought Aisha but had to return immediately as we couldn't get that ginger kitten out of our minds and felt she needed a companion. And what a companion he turned out to be! And so they both joined us on this journey, this adventure...every step of the way. Through our first year of marriage in our tiny little flat where it all started, living on a small balcony....then into our first little house where they were introduced to trees and birds....then through both pregnancies, births of the babies, early years of the kids..always there. Patient, loving. Cheeky at times but the most loving cat you'll ever meet. Happy to curl up on your lap wherever we would be.

Everyone says he'll be back but it's been two weeks now and I know him. He was a homebody. He liked to explore close to the house, never really venturing too far out, always cautious. He needed his water from the tap and his special cat food. No other brand would do. I really can't imagine him out there. I have no idea if he could make it. I just don't know.

I miss you Avs. Know that I never abandoned you, I was on my way back to you. I miss you so much and this house is not the same without your energy and unconditional love. I hope that if you are alive and out there, that you can feel me here, that we all miss you and want you back.

Always in my heart babe

xxx




Sunday, 14 September 2014

Dedicated to a friend

The rain. It cleanses your soul. Revives your heart. Only strength is born from the cleanse; a new beginning. Wash away those fears. Rinse away the doubt.

You will rise again.





Thursday, 24 July 2014

Flight MH17




My heart is heavy. Last week a commercial airliner carrying 290 passengers, 190 of them Dutch, was shot by a missile 33,000 feet in the air over Ukraine. Everyone on board died. 80 children are amongst the dead. Families, daughters, sons, brothers, sisters...they all perished. In the most horrendous way possible. All started their journey with smiles, anticipation, excitement and their futures wiped out by evil in seconds. Babies, children!!!

Why?

What is the world coming to?

I cannot erase this from my mind no matter how hard I try; I am awake at night and I feel their terror. I cannot shake it.

I pray they are all safe now, on the other side, far from this cold hearted world. I hope they are shrouded in warmth and love. Back home again.

My love goes out to every life lost on that plane. Only love.

#MH17

x


Monday, 14 July 2014

Changes...

It's amazing how my kids changed after their third birthdays, both of them at the exact same time....

For three years Maia was super independent, even as a baby when she first began to crawl....she would head off in all sorts of directions without even a backward glance. Of course this made mum feel ever so left out of her daughters world but also so proud at this amazing confidence of this blue eyed girl. She had an innate sense of direction and need for exploring. It did however at times leave me feeling a little sad as my friends children were forever joined at their mothers hips, persistently crying out for them which Maia rarely did. But after her 3rd birthday I noticed a change in her. Se was still that assertive, secure little girl who knew what she wanted but she was also much more interested in me (at long last!) and being with ME. All of a sudden, she needed me more than before and it warmed my heart ever so much. I finally got to revel in her kisses, her hugs, her questions like never before; it was good to feel her love so close, so real. We have a bond like no other now, we love each other to the stars and back...always have.

And then there's Tommy...wow, his two's were seriously terrible. Of course there were the beautiful moments but a lot of it was hard work. He had tantrums, his No's were strong, loud and powerful. His screams and anger resounding through the house at all times of the day.  But I kept on telling myself, it's a phase...it'll pass...as it all does. It lasted slightly longer than anticipated but he soon mellowed down as his third birthday approached and now three weeks have gone and he has really shifted from the angry, highly sensitive and moody little boy to loveable, caring, compassionate and fun. He's cheeky and curious. And finally...he and Maia play together wonderfully. Ok, there are still the sibling outbursts and slamming doors but nothing compared to a few months ago. My babies are maturing, understanding, becoming. Growing so fast. I want to put every moment inside a box and keep it there forever.

I love you two. Know that always.



Mama x